Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Sarah Palin Writes Crib Notes On Her Own Hand

Sarah Palin recently got caught with crib notes written on her hand during a speech she gave at a Tea Party convention. “Energy”, “Budget Cuts”, and “Lift American Spirits” were some of the things she had written on her hand to remind herself what to say during the speech. Unfortunately for Sarah, she had written her shopping list on her other hand, and when she looked down during a nervous moment in the middle of her speech, she looked down at the wrong hand and ended up going on at length about needing to pick up Kraft singles, trash bags, and low-fat frozen yogurt before her husband got home.
When the Tea Party attendants got confused and started asking her why she was talking about all the food she planned on buying later instead of health care or the economy she didn’t know how to reply, and nervously looked down at the other side of her other hand, where she had written her own name and the names of all her children.
After forty-five minutes of Sarah Palin reading and repeating her children’s names the town hall mostly cleared out. But the flustered Mrs. Palin didn’t notice that everyone had left until they had already cleared out the hall and turned off the lights. With the doors locked, Sarah Palin went into survival mode, turning some hair pins she had with her and her glasses into a makeshift trap to catch food, and burning her clothes and hair to keep warm until she could figure out how to escape.  The janitor found her the next morning nude and bald next to the burnt out remains of a campfire, clutching a makeshift trap with a half-eaten rat in it.
The Palin family was grateful for her safe return, and Mrs. Palin herself has called the experience, “Just another indication of that good ol’ undying American can-do spirit.”
Sarah Palin is expected to make another speech next week in Tulsa, Arizona, provided that she can figure out how to get from her hotel to the airport. Which she cannot.

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